Mills fifth novel is another very dark and subversive comedy about his speciality – men and their work. This time though, it’s not about manual labourers, white van-men, bus drivers or any of their ilk; instead, he’s taking on expeditions to destinations unknown of the beginning of the last century. Mills’s satire this time initially targets the race between Scott and Amundsen to reach the South Pole – his subjects are not usually so obvious.
Two teams are involved in a race (except that it’s not a race – Oh yes it is!) to reach the ‘Agreed Furthest Point’. One led by gentleman explorer Johns and made up of volunteers with a veritable herd of mules. They are finally ready to set off from the bunkhouse.
Scott Johns makes a speech:
‘Now it’s far too cold to stand her making speeches. I’ve no time for such flummery, so without further ado I think we’ll make an immediate start. I want to say, however, that I believe you have all been well chosen. I could not wish to begin an expedition such as this with a finer set of fellows. In Chase, for instance, we have one of the best navigators of our age. As you know, his excellent guidance brought the Centurion to this forsaken shore without a single fault, and I am relying fully on his judgement over the coming weeks as we head for the interior. Likewise, I regard Scagg as a most able deputy, and if anything should happen to me he will, of course, take command. As for the rest of you, well you are competent individuals without exception. You all know where we’re going and why we are going there. It may take a good while, but I am confident that we’ll achieve our goal as long as each of us pulls in the same direction. Now Scagg, the blockhouse has been left in a fit state, I presume?’
‘Yes, Mr Johns. Everything’s in order.’
‘All right then. Lock the door will you, and we’ll go.’
The other is led by Tostig with a professional crew of five. They have just ten mules and are incredibly well organised.
‘You know, it’s marvellous the organisation that’s gone into this voyage of ours. Quite exhaustive! Every aspect was planned beforehand, right down to the finest detail. For example, how do you think the weight of a water canister compares with a tin of biscuits?’
‘No idea,’ said Snaebjorn.
‘Have a guess.’
‘I’ve just told you I don’t know.’
‘Identical,’ Thegn announced. ‘They both weigh exactly the same.’
‘Within an ounce. Apparently there were such huge logistical demands to be met that for purposes of simplification all items were classified in fixed units of weight. You could substitute a folded tent, say, with a coiled rope and it would make no difference to the overall load. The exact method used is described in the Ship’s Manual, if you’re interested.’
‘I’ll bear it in mind.’
Tostig’s team had arrived first, and have chosen to take a route along a dry riverbed making good progress. Johns’ team though, choose a different route entirely going over rocky scree. This terrain is monotonous and energy sapping in the extreme, yet Johns and his men manage to keep up with the others. They bicker all the way, yet that reserve of British stiff upper lip stands them in good stead.
And so it goes on. Day after boring day. They all inch towards their goal. You wonder when something is going to happen, and when it does, it comes completely out of left-field, and things turn even darker, more surreal and twisted than before. To tell you more would completely spoil the plot.
Mills’s deadpan humour is not to everyone’s taste, but if you haven’t tried one of his novels, at under two hundred pages, this is a quick read. I loved it. (9/10)
Source: Own copy.
Explorers of the New Century by Magnus Mills (2005). Bloomsbury paperback, 192 pages.
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